Wednesday, March 12, 2008

If you were an Emperor's Club girl, what would your profile say?

Today's Gawker posted a blurred out profile for "Kristen" , who may or may not be the high-priced call girl who made some decent coin off NY Governor Eliot Spitzer.

Personally, I really don't care what politicians do in the bedroom. Or, for that matter, even in the Oval Office — unless it has to do with national and foreign policy. I don't think he should be forced to resign, even if he did go after several large prostitution rings on his way to the top. (I'm sure the dens of prostitution he went after featured sub-par employees who have been to say, Daytona Beach and not every "far-flung island in the world".) I don't even think prostitution should be illegal. Plus, I could get all philosophical here and say we're all a bunch of whores at some point in our lives when it comes down to it.

As a writer, I wonder who does the content and copy for these sites. Who writes the descriptions? I do like the vagueness attached to the final word of the description — refinements.

In the words of Jack White, you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too. So I'm gonna opt for being a pimp. At least for now. Because I am a pimp. However, I did feel the need to break up my morning grind by writing my OWN Emperor's Club profile. Just because it seems like a fun thing to do.

(NOTE: I didn't think swimsuit models were allowed to be 5'5". But the term "swimsuit model" is one of those very broad terms, much like "event coordinator" when used in the bio of any reality TV show chick who makes a complete asshat of themselves while trying to gain the affections of a single man with a seemingly big bank account.)

Daily Slag, Boston
Daily Slag
Daily Slag's career as an esteemed journalist and copywriter has led her on extraordinary adventures on several continents. She has tiptoed through the world's most reknowned wine-making regions without stumbling from intoxication and interviewed some of the entertainment world's most exciting filmmakers. But the DS is truly a renassiance woman, as she is just as likely to be found crudly bashing Tom Brady, warbling Blondie's One Way Or Another with adorable tone deafness at a karaoke dive bar and explaining the importance of the former Yugoslavia in regards to the future of EU economic development. And all on the same night. While she enjoys the artistry of the fashion industry and owns several dresses, she prefers dressing casually, in snug-fitting jeans and tank tops that proudly show off her best assets. But don't let her laid-back nature fool you, as she definitely enjoys big refinements.
Brown hair
Green eyes
27 years old

(NOTE: So I shaved a few years off my age. Whatever. It's not like I couldn't pass for 27.)

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