Friday, July 21, 2006

I Want SexyBack

I figured out that Justin Timberlake was actually sort of cool a few years ago. It began when I realized I really dug Rock Your Body. Then, a friend of mine was convinced he could get tickets to the VMAs for cheap at the last minute. Ha. We did, however, attend Justin Timberlake's post-VMA show at the Hammerstein Ballroom. The guy could actually play instruments. My view of the stage was obstructed by an overweight, teenaged goth girl.

This disturbed me not because she was obstructing my view and yelling obnoxiously, but because I found it so amusing someone dressed so "goth" was so into a Justin Timberlake performance. In my pubescent halcyon years, someone who was a goth was a goth. I decided that today's "goth-looking" kids are just that -- goth looking. Goth has been reduced to
Hot Topic in this day and age. It sort of made me sad. I wanted to go home and curl up on my bed in a deep melancholy while listening to The Cure.

The night also included my friend most likely being roofied at the previous bar, as she is a champion drinker and was unable to barely move from the circular booth surrounding the Hammerstein after consuming only 3 miniscule vodka beverages. While tending to her, I also encountered a pile of vomit on the floor. It was covered in sawdust, a la elementary school.

I digress. And I'm going to digress further. Justin Timberlake has a new song out called SexyBack. It's from his forthcoming FutureSex / LoveSounds album. The title of the album sort of annoys me because its reminiscent of that whole LoveAngelMusicBaby thing Gwen Stefani did (essentially to promote her clothing and handbag lines). I suppose JT's album, and
recent comments that he enjoys using drugs recreationally, is the final stage in breaking free from those boy band shackles. I think it is a more dignified and gradual release, much unlike his Mickey Mouse Club peers Britney and Christina.

And since I'm bringing up Britney, I have to admit something. Although celebrity love lives factor very little, if at all (except Ice-T & CoCo!) into my existence, I have a little fantasy. I don't think it's at all uncommon, and everytime I see a tabloid or see a photo of stringy-haired, barefoot & pregnant Britney wearing 2003's smocked terry cloth dress, I think about what might have been.

I just want Britney & Justin back together. Not because they were each other's first loves or because they were the bubble gum pop duo of yore. I have no problem with Brad Pitt running off with Angelina Joile, but Britney & Justin, they belong together.

Seriously. Look at what happened to her after they broke up. He was her rock. She was his Eliza Doolittle. If Justin stepped in, you think she would be pumping out potential short-bus children with a ne'er do well former back-up dancer who raps about Brazillian ass slang? Hell no. He would have gotten her a one-way ticket to Timbaland's studio and she would have a hit record. Would she be snapping gum at Matt Laurer or driving through the Sonic five times a week? Hell no. She would be sitting, perfectly coiffed, front row at the
Cavalli show.

They would be like Seal & Heidi Klum, the Southern Fried American Version. I picture it going down much like A Mighty Wind, except it's at the Grammys, and they're opening the show. Some acoustic duet talking about getting the lover you always wanted back and by your side, finishing with an embrace. It would be huge. A kiss with Britney and Justin? Bigger than Britney kissing Madonna.

Alas. A girl can dream. Here's the song, since it's not yet available on iTunes and I haven't found a pirated version that works. My friend says it reminds her of Slave 4 U, maybe a bit, but not really. If there is any similarities, well, that's just further proof that things would just be better if Britney & Justin were back together. Hell, I bet even Hezbollah may stop for a moment to ponder the power of love.

Here's the link. This song does really make me want to go a bumping and a grinding. This new JT album may just be the perfect companion to the
Gorillaz' Demon Days or Gnarls Barkley's St. Elsewhere.

(You can also listen to the song on the official JT site)

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