Wednesday, March 12, 2008
SATC: Episodes 1-3
Posted by Daily Slag at 11:50 PM 0 comments
If you were an Emperor's Club girl, what would your profile say?
Today's Gawker posted a blurred out profile for "Kristen" , who may or may not be the high-priced call girl who made some decent coin off NY Governor Eliot Spitzer.
Personally, I really don't care what politicians do in the bedroom. Or, for that matter, even in the Oval Office — unless it has to do with national and foreign policy. I don't think he should be forced to resign, even if he did go after several large prostitution rings on his way to the top. (I'm sure the dens of prostitution he went after featured sub-par employees who have been to say, Daytona Beach and not every "far-flung island in the world".) I don't even think prostitution should be illegal. Plus, I could get all philosophical here and say we're all a bunch of whores at some point in our lives when it comes down to it.
As a writer, I wonder who does the content and copy for these sites. Who writes the descriptions? I do like the vagueness attached to the final word of the description — refinements.
In the words of Jack White, you can't be a pimp and a prostitute too. So I'm gonna opt for being a pimp. At least for now. Because I am a pimp. However, I did feel the need to break up my morning grind by writing my OWN Emperor's Club profile. Just because it seems like a fun thing to do.
(NOTE: I didn't think swimsuit models were allowed to be 5'5". But the term "swimsuit model" is one of those very broad terms, much like "event coordinator" when used in the bio of any reality TV show chick who makes a complete asshat of themselves while trying to gain the affections of a single man with a seemingly big bank account.)
Daily Slag, Boston
Daily Slag
Daily Slag's career as an esteemed journalist and copywriter has led her on extraordinary adventures on several continents. She has tiptoed through the world's most reknowned wine-making regions without stumbling from intoxication and interviewed some of the entertainment world's most exciting filmmakers. But the DS is truly a renassiance woman, as she is just as likely to be found crudly bashing Tom Brady, warbling Blondie's One Way Or Another with adorable tone deafness at a karaoke dive bar and explaining the importance of the former Yugoslavia in regards to the future of EU economic development. And all on the same night. While she enjoys the artistry of the fashion industry and owns several dresses, she prefers dressing casually, in snug-fitting jeans and tank tops that proudly show off her best assets. But don't let her laid-back nature fool you, as she definitely enjoys big refinements.
5'7"
130
34C-27-36
Brown hair
Green eyes
27 years old
(NOTE: So I shaved a few years off my age. Whatever. It's not like I couldn't pass for 27.)
Posted by Daily Slag at 11:11 AM 0 comments
Labels: eliot spitzer, emperor's club
Thursday, March 06, 2008
Fun with Haiku (and American Idol)
Actually, if you want to get technical, I think I actually wrote senyru, which is a humorous satrical form of haiku (there is no mention of snow or leaves or transendental ponds).
I'm not going to even get into how all of this began, because I hate myself for watching such manipulative tripe (I blame the writer's strike). In any case, my weekly "commentary" evolved into haiku during the last round of ladies' semifinals.
(Note: I'm totally not racist, but sometimes that one dirty Japanese word is just fun to bust out on occasion. And I have no right making fun of anyone who can sing, as I am pretty much tone deaf)
#1 Asia'h
Asia'h, I don't like those pants
Or Whitney Houston
Remember "Crack is so whack!"
#2 Kady
Oh Kady, so very cute
I'm sad you will leave
I hardly knew thee
#3 Amanda
I want to drink beer with you
And clink our glasses
Before starting a bar brawl
#4 Carly
I think I like you Carly
But I am not sure
Just pour me a tall Guinness
#5 Kristy Lee
Oh, Kristy, I don't like you
Its not jealousy
It's just that you are boring
#6 Ramiele
Tiny Asian going home
Will find fame one day
There is always bukkake
#7 Brooke
When you sing, I see tofu
Though you might eat meat
But I bet you shop Whole Foods
#8 Syesha
Syesha, don't let me down
I know you are fun
Don't go and get all boring
Posted by Daily Slag at 2:44 PM 0 comments
Labels: American Idol haiku
He's Like The Wind
Posted by Daily Slag at 11:29 AM 0 comments
Labels: chippendales, patrick swayze, red dawn, roadhouse
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Bill Clinton dons appropriate "ethnic" clothing, too
Posted by Daily Slag at 12:07 PM 0 comments
Labels: "bill clinton", "clinton in african dress"
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Most Amazing Song
While I am usually always disappointed with the Oscars, tonight hasn't been that bad. And Falling Slowly from Once won for Best Song!! It's the most beautiful, hopeful, heartbreaking, et al song and film. And thank you, Jon Stewart, for being effing classy. You brought Marketa Irglova back on to finish her speech. And she was lovely. I want to go curl up on my bed and listen to the Once soundtrack. And drown in sweet hopeful musical misery.
But dead people parade, that's all you give Heath? Come on!
Wonder how the picked the soldiers to announce the short film award. Had to have been some sort of competition on base. But do they get the $40K giftbag for presenters and nominees? I be thinking those kids need a relaxing private Caribbean cruise more than Cameron Diaz.
Ok. I stop now.
Posted by Daily Slag at 11:23 PM 0 comments
Labels: "academy awards", once, oscars
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
This would have changed my life in high school
Summers during my adolescent years were spent at Riverport Amptheater (I think it is called something more corporate now...the UMB Bank Amptheater?), catching all those outdoor concerts in the cheap lawn seats. I saw a couple Lollapaloozas, Stone Temple Pilots, the Gin Blossoms, Reggae Sunsplash, even Jimmy Buffet (which, incidentally, is the best place for a teenager to find eager willing adults to buy them alcoholic beverages). For awhile I had a crap ID from "Ohio" that worked like a charm. A security guard once apologized to me for carding me while I was walking away with my Bud Light. I was smart. At the American ID Systems on 4th Ave & Grand, I chose Ohio, while others my age chose more "glamorous" states such as California, Hawaii or Florida. The lost their IDs not long after purchasing the "2 for $40" special. I think I had mine for a couple of years.
In any case, I thought back to the days of underage drinking when I saw this special item online. The Booze Bra (aka Wine Rack) can hold up to a full bottle of wine in a handy hydration pack nestled in an unassuming sports bra. It's like a Miracle Bra lined with the interior of a box of Franzia, but smaller — When its full, it even makes your breasts bigger. Had I had a Booze Bra in high school, perhaps I would have had more dates. Although I have always been a fast drinker, so the gig would have been up fairly soon after I arrived to the party.
Posted by Daily Slag at 9:57 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Someone stop this man
First off, the only good thing about being on a cruise with John Mayer would be the possibility that he might go overboard. But having to see John Mayer in Borat-style swimwear is more than I can take. Was this an attempt at being ironic or witty, or showing off his ability to poke fun at himself? No. It's lame. It's lame like a CBGB's T-shirt from Urban Outfitters, Hilary Clinton breaking down into tears, green & purple colored ketchup, artisan water and any other pathetic stab at irreverence.
Posted by Daily Slag at 11:49 AM 0 comments
Labels: john mayer, john mayer is the devil, john mayer sucks
Monday, February 04, 2008
I am such a geek 2.0
I want this to be my next road trip. Still some debate on whether it is or is not open to the public, but I may start begging this man by email.
Posted by Daily Slag at 2:41 PM 0 comments
Labels: luna city, luna city arcade
It's lunchtime
Oh, Whole Foods. You're so eco-conscious and all natural and pseudo-European and all that good stuff. And you have such pretty prepared foods, how can one resist picking up a sandwich for lunch while on their way to work? Especially since you're supposed to save money going to a grocery store, even if you're just a tad bit overpriced.
This $7 chicken salad sandwich better be the world's best damn chicken salad sandwich. But I'm already guessing it's not because it was not $5, approximately 9" long, nor does it come on fresh-from-the-oven bread like the I-want-to-make-love-to-it sandwichs from Al's State Street Cafe in downtown Boston.
Part of me hates everything you stand for, Whole Foods. Sometimes, you make me just want to litter and eat Hot Pockets and drink Lil' Hugs and everthing else with artificial flavor and color.
Posted by Daily Slag at 12:22 PM 0 comments
Sunday, February 03, 2008
Oh snap!
Tonight, I will sleep soundly knowing Tom Brady is sobbing like a little bitch!!! (And before you call me a "hater", think before you speak. He choked. I can finally say mean things about Tom Brady and be somewhat justified. And he will be sobbing into a supermodel's breasts so trust me, he doesn't deserve your pity.)
Posted by Daily Slag at 10:32 PM 0 comments
Labels: i hate tom brady, tom brady, tom brady sucks
Friday, February 01, 2008
I am such a geek
Because this is the coolest thing I've seen all day. The Dark Knight trailer...in LEGO!!
Posted by Daily Slag at 2:43 PM 0 comments
Labels: batman, i am a geek, lego, the dark knight
Where was my invite??
Between all the Tupperware and CoCo's rack, the amount of man-made awesomeness could barely be contained in one measly little nightclub. It is so what Mr. McGuire was envisioning when he told Benjamin Braddock he had just one word for him. Plastics.
Posted by Daily Slag at 12:12 PM 0 comments
Labels: coco, Ice-T, tupperware
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Smurfs are dobro in Hrvatska
Words fail me. This is incredible, yet a wee bit bizarre. Nearly 400 Croatian men, women and children dressed up as Smurfs in the hopes of breaking the world record. But they celebration turned to disappointment when they discovered they had found erroneous information on the Interweb and were still a few Smurfs short. I guess some crazy American college kids are the current title holders, which no doubt came about after some chick in the dorm bought boyshirts at Urban Outfitters with a faded "retro" Papa Smurf on the ass, which subsequently lead to Smurf mania taking over whatever dorm they lived in because of those uber-obscure retro pop culture references only made by the really cool underground hipsters who handle product assortment for Urban Outfitters. And then they decided to dress up as Smurfs because it was a really cool thing to do.
Posted by Daily Slag at 12:13 PM 0 comments
Labels: croatia, croatians, Smurfs, world record
The coolest puzzle ever
Well, not really, but someone took one of my Flickr photos and made this little ditty. It's kind of cool, and there are even varying degrees of difficulty.
Posted by Daily Slag at 9:47 AM 0 comments
Labels: ducks, Flickr, rubber ducks
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
An observation for Sunday
You know how you know you're in a ghetto Target? The women's department is fronted by maternity wear.
Posted by Daily Slag at 6:18 PM 0 comments
Thursday, January 24, 2008
See? I'm not the only one!
BeehiveHairdresser posted similar thoughts on a possible conspiracy behind Heath Ledger's death in relation to those fun-loving scientologists. There is also the Google translation-to-Spanish-like-playing-a-Beatles-album-backward oddity. Oh, and what about the mysterious masseuse? And if you've happened to catch Jeff Conaway on VH1's Celebrity Rehab, you start wondering about all those people who died young of "possible drug-related" deaths because he, somehow miraculously, continues to exist.
Hey, I'm not accusing anyone, but anything is possible.
Posted by Daily Slag at 4:14 PM 0 comments
Labels: celebrity rehab, conspiracy, heath ledger, heath ledger death conspiracy, jeff conaway
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
One of the most offensive items I have ever seen
You're curious, aren't you? Just know you can't go back once you've seen it. Because when I say it's that wrong, I seriously mean, it's just that wrong.
If D.W. Griffith made ashtrays...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
I'm pitchy
Damnit. I think I'm watching American Idol again. Yet I am not being taken in by any of these sob stories or the subtleties described to me by an anonymous friend who actually places financial wagers on this competition (He is amazingly accurate, too). The show fills me with hatred, which I do not need any more of in my life. It makes me hate dumb blonds even more than usual. I spend most of the time wondering what Simon Cowell's closet looks like. Seriously. Are all those nearly-identical shirts color-coordinated, folded, on hangers? How many does he have? How big is his closet and exactly how is it organized? Are some of the shirts folded and others hanging?
But there is nothing else on, right? Damn writer's strike. Wait, who is this guy...he's not bad looking...not a bad voice...STOP. I'm not getting hooked. Oh, but Paula is...you can see it in her eyes. She wants this guy. Oh, and he's going to Hollywood. Ok. Now this chick, someone tell her she does not sound like Mariah Carey just because she has a huge rack. Why are there so many commercials? How can someone not watch this crap without Tivo? Didn't there used to be people with some sort of talent on here?
I'm merely watching this season to count how many times "I think you're good, but not as good as you think you are" is said by Mr. Cowell. Because this is the second I've watched this tripe this season and I think I have heard it about 5 times.
However, allow me to present my very own American Idol, by way of Deutchland and New Jersey.
Presenting the Mad German:
Posted by Daily Slag at 8:47 PM 0 comments
Labels: american idol, american woman, karaoke, mad german
My thetans are smelling a conspiracy
Ok, ok. Hear me out. I think the Scientologists killed Heath Ledger. They had to do something to get out of the spotlight, right? Look what 9/11 did for Gary Condit!! Set up the supposed accidental death / suicide of an actor NO ONE was expecting to go so soon and boom, Tom Cruise's crazy rants are relegated to page five of the gossip blogs. But why Heath Ledger? Because he was in the "gay cowboy movie?" Or perhaps because Michelle Williams is a far better actress than her former Dawson's Creek co-star ever will be, oh, and since Ms. Holmes did get booted from The Dark Knight, which also stars Ledger as The Joker. Oh, and throw in some sleeping pills, which obviously proves "psych" drugs are bad and kill and should not be abused and will destroy the world, if not just those promising celebrities. So boom. Tom Cruise's anti-Xenu rants are sent temporarily to the back burner and he's the Hollywood version of Gary Condit.
It's really not so implausible, is it?
'Tis a shame, too, because I really liked Heath Ledger. Sometimes, you just get a hankering for a guy with just-past-the-chin hair. But most importantly, he was talented, which was obvious even in one of my favorite guilty pleasures, 10 Things I Hate About You. He brought me to tears in Brokeback Mountain. And as a huge Batman fan, I still cannot wait to see him as The Joker in The Dark Knight. But I guess its a fact of life, really, the talented ones go and we're left seeing unnecessary press on people in MTV pseudo-reality shows and people like Tom Cruise making $20+ million a picture.
Posted by Daily Slag at 8:21 PM 0 comments
Friday, January 18, 2008
Shocking family confessions
I am suffering from a wicked hangover. Just in case you were wondering. But this is my first entry using my brand new MacBook Pro. And that's really effing cool.
I am now going to watch Celebrity Rehab. Because it will put things in perspective, knowing I'm not in nearly as bad shape as Jeff Conaway.
In other news, I drunk dialed my mother. I typically do this, so don't laugh. I know she loves it. If you know anything about my mother, you know that she's a die-hard Republican in name, yet will not come to terms with her closeted liberalism. I often tell her she raised me to think the way I think and her openness about certain subjects makes it impossible for her to be conservative. Because I'm drunk and filled with piss and vinegar, naturally I bring up politics. Instead of fighting...the most beautiful thing happened. The most beautiful and incredible thing in the history of political parental discourse. I notice she is not as combative to the things I am saying and I realize...I realize she may have begun coming around. She says she would vote for a democrat if they were the best person and she has done this before in the past. My hopes were buoyed when I discovered she does not like Huckabee, and she has better sense than to elect a Mormon. She doesn't like McCain's position on immigration. She will always bash Hilary, and that is fine, but as we've been occasionally discussing politics for the last few months, I have noticed she is completely and totally unable to express her dislike for one man. I continuously point this out, but this time, oh, there is something different in our conversation this time. She's not telling me to shut up or trying to change the subject with as much fervor as she usually does when I bring up such topics. I push a little more and she doesn't want to go there but it is too late to turn back. And it basically went down like this...
"Mom, if the election were held tomorrow, who would you vote for? If you do not answer this, your drunk daughter will not allow you to get off the phone."
"Well, the election isn't being held tomorrow -"
"Just say it, Mom, say it! Say it!"
"I don't know what you want me to admit."
"ANSWER THE QUESTION, Mom!!"
"Fine. I would vote for Obama."
Posted by Daily Slag at 5:05 PM 0 comments
Friday, January 11, 2008
Every Kitchen Needs Butter Boy
Upon writing SEO content in my day job, I stumbled upon a most curious item.
Introducing Butter Boy. Butter Boy is a corn cob butterer, because in this day & age, why should you be expected to actually butter your ear of corn all by yourself. If there are remote controls, there should be corn cob butterers, right?
At first I thought I was just a bit of a sicko. My sense of humor leans towards the perverted or lewid at times. One look at Butter Boy and well...look at him.
But then I read the description of good ol' Butter Boy and that's when I was sold. This was not your average corn cob butterer (But then again, is there such a thing as an average corn cob buttering tool).
Butter Boy makes buttering your corn-on-the-cob fun and easy! Just insert a stick of butter, pop the top, and butter your corn. Put him in the refrigerator in between uses. Take him with you to barbeques, picnics, or just have fun with him when eating at home. The Butter Boy makes kids smile from ear to ear. Made of plastic and dishwasher-safe.
Come on! You know you're thinking the same nasty things I'm thinking, too! Read just a little bit more...have you gotten to the feature stating Butter Boy hugs the corn for easy gliding on of butter?
Hot butterly pleasure can now be yours. For $6 + shipping. Just admit it. You know you want a Butter Boy to call your own.
Posted by Daily Slag at 2:50 PM 0 comments